Reflections

The Leap

Have you ever had a moment where you forced yourself to take a giant leap? Even when every bone in your body was screaming at you to do the complete opposite, you did it anyway?

This past week, I sent an invite out to join the newly launched and official Facebook page for The CJBuzz. Now, when I say newly launched, what I actually mean to say is that it existed for months, and I never really used it. At least, that is, until now. I had partially built the page back in August with the hope that it would serve as the social hub for my website, and when the moment came to use it…I did nothing. Something stopped me. I couldn’t quite explain it at the time, but there it is. And so, for a while, it lay abandoned and unused. Another idea set aside. Another pipedream laid to waste.

I’ve spent some time in recent weeks considering what happened there, and after some thought, I didn’t like the conclusion I had come to.

The only thing I had to blame was myself.

I feel, to a degree, there are moments where I take on the part of a sidekick. Sometimes, content to play the grey man. The one who blends into the pond without making so much as a ripple on the surface. Ever-present, but left to the shadows. Maybe I hesitated to press that send button because I had it somewhere in the back of my head that I no right to invite anybody. That I didn’t deserve it. I hadn’t earned the privilege of doing so. That I was unworthy of having my work read. What would happen if people said no? They don’t want to be bothered by me…

So I did nothing.

Yet here we are. I finished the page and I pressed the button anyway. Why do I tell you this? Because it proves everything I just said was a lie.

Pure bullshit.

It’s true, I get anxious every time I post or share something that I’ve written, audition for a role, get on stage for a performance, or even share my Facebook page. It takes a lot out of me. And each and every time I do, I have my doubts. Mostly, because these are some of the few times where people can see me without any kind of shield. I lower my defenses. That is the real me. For that moment, I’m completely vulnerable.

So I get it. It’s hard. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Our insecurities have a habit of getting the better of us. We like to use reason, logic, and rationalizations that prove our own positions, certify our deepest doubts, and make real our greatest fears. If you harp on something long enough, you’ll end up believing it no matter how untrue it really is. Anybody and everybody can fall victim. But at the end of the day, you still have the power to press on. There’s nothing actually stopping you. We’re each in control of our own journey – our own destiny. Nobody can dictate that for you.

So, when it comes time for you to push that button, and you hesitate, you may need to start asking yourself some tough questions.

Are you really afraid of failure? Or are you more afraid of what might happen should you succeed?

Maybe it’s time you take that leap to find out.

Image Credit: anniwipf

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