Food & Drink

By Any Other Name

It’s Friday night. You’re excited for the weekend, and you decide to splurge a bit on dinner. You look at the menu of your favourite restaurant, and your mouth begins to water when your eyes fall upon your chosen morsel – your prey for the evening. Seven beautiful ounces of perfectly cooked sirloin paired with garlic toast, crowned with sautéed onions and mushrooms, then drizzled in “our famous steak sauce.” A combination of everything you love in one meaty, decadent, picture-perfect dish. The steak sandwich!!

You wait patiently for your meal to meet you. The anticipation is driving you mad! Finally, after an eternity of salivating wildly, you notice the room changes. You can smell it before your sight can even be bothered with detecting your regal repast. The server, delicately carrying the plate to your table, purposefully perches it before you. With your eyes closed, you take a moment and breath deeply, allowing each sense to register the feast in turn. You slowly open your eyes, look down, and are greeted by…

WHAT IS THIS?!

Sitting in front of you sits a plate with a small steak, some onions, mushrooms, two small pieces of garlic bread from a baguette, and a small metal cup with a few spoonfuls of a creamy mystery sauce. None of it together.

Tears stream down your eyes as you look up to the heavens and shout, “where is my sandwich?!?”

Ok, ok…so it’s a bit dramatic. But it’s true. Am I the only person that’s noticed this trend? Look around Fort McMurray, and you’ll see that there are quite a few restaurants and pubs that have steak sandwiches listed on their menu. I love everything about it, except for the fact that they all nearly have the exact same concept: a steak on a plate with sides and bread. Now, who doesn’t like a good steak? But it’s confusing! And it’s not just Fort McMurray – it’s everywhere!

If you were to google “steak sandwich,” you’ll get hundreds of pictures of just about what you’d expect. Pieces of meat nestled between two slices of bread with toppings. An actual sandwich! Heck, even a Philly Cheese is more of a steak sandwich. But what we’re getting is a steak…with garlic bread. I’m starting to wonder if the Chef just decided one day to phone it in! Do they actually know what they’ve created here, or are they just generally lost and confused in the kitchen?

When did we enter a world where this constitutes a sandwich? What in the Chopped fresh hell is going on? This deconstructed Top Chef nonsense has got to stop! Who’s to blame for this? I’m looking at you, Food Network!!!

There is nothing creative or original about this. This is a lazy attempt at being fancy. If I wanted a steak dinner, I would just order one. In fact, why would you offer a steak sandwich and a steak dinner on the same menu when it’s almost the same bloody thing?! It doesn’t make sense!

It’s a lie!

It’s a deception!

It’s a scandal!

*sigh*

It’s still delicious…

But I suppose that which we call a steak, by any other name, would taste just as sweet.

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