Reflections

My Inner Struggle: Quiet or Loud?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Have you ever been asked this question?  Have you ever asked yourself this question?

I ask myself this question every day.

Extroverts are easily spotted by their outgoing and expressive nature. They seem to find joy in social engagements, being in crowds, networking and starting/carrying conversations. Seems like a lot, right?

Introverts, on the other hand, are easy to spot…or not…because they’re usually the quiet and shy ones. They can also be seen as thoughtful and reserved.

It’s not an all or nothing proposition though. You can have one or several characteristics from an individual category. You could potentially have characteristics from either category. This has brought me to a troubling conclusion. I belong to neither group…and to both.

One of the things I’ve observed of extroverts, is they seem to get a buzz from mingling, speaking, and being heard. They tend to love a good party. No…they thrive in them! It seems exhausting. I have no idea how they do it…until I find myself doing it.

Then I think to myself, that’s not me. In meetings, dinners, and other social outings, introverts can sit there observing, listening, processing. They’re the thinkers. That sounds more like me…until it doesn’t.

*grumble*

Over time, I’ve noticed that I can be the person that goes to a party, socialize, laugh, drink and be merry with ease. This can go on for a few hours and then, at some point in the evening, a switch in my brain gets flipped, and I’m done. Without warning, I can grow silent, put down my drink, and walk straight out the door in a matter of minutes. Most people never even see it coming. It almost feels as if my brain suddenly decides to slam on the brakes. It’s awkward. It’s weird. It’s me.

Then I stumbled on the term “ambivert.”

Ambivert refers to someone who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features. “Now that’s something!” I think to myself. “Wait! No…that can’t be me. They used the term balanced.” My inner dialogue stops me again.

Then, in my quest to answer this question of questions, I found the term “omnivert.” Onmivert refers to a person that can either an extrovert or an introvert at different times depending on the situation. “Yeah that sounds like me!” I exclaim in triumph. “I can be either of them. I can change it up! That makes sense. Maybe I should look up the definition…”

“IT’S NOT REALLY A WORD!?!? DEFINED BY URBAN DICTIONARY?! FOR THE LOVE OF …”

*sigh*

Maybe some things aren’t meant to be defined.

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