Monster

I didn’t sleep well last night. I don’t know why.

Was it the food? Was it the wine?

Maybe.

It’s more likely that my brain had a hundred things inside of it all going off at once.

Do you know what that’s like? Of course you do. Everybody has those moments at some point. Anxiety simply for the sake of anxiety. It sounds kind of stupid when you say it out loud, but it’s true. And it’s all too real. So real that I can still vividly remember the dreams. The restless dreams. Not so much the specific details or any kind of a plot. No. Just the disjointed images and the feelings that went with them. The worry. The discomfort. They’re still lurking there in the back of my head somewhere. I can’t see them, but I can feel them. Waiting in the dark. They’re always waiting.

I’m shaken. I’m rattled. Why?

All the things I have to do? All the people I’m worried about? Not knowing the answer is probably the worst part.

I step outside, and the sun hits my face. I look up and see the deep blue of the sky above. Thin, delicate wisps of cloud gently roll by, and the crisp breeze lifts me.

A beautiful day.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, 1…2…3… release. The feelings begin to fade. Another breath, I count again, 1…2…3…release. The images become less intense. My shoulders drop, and I continue to breathe. In and out. In. And out.

My eyes open, and the restlessness is gone. The images are but a shadow – a monster of my own making.

It’s going to be ok.

You’re going to be ok.

Image Credit: LaurensSpruit